Hey, it’s Nancy.

Welcome to this special article I wrote for you to help you on your journey towards a better relationship. One that you deserve to have. It will help you with a severe narcissist you are dealing with right now.

You will learn how to handle him, how to check if he can change and eventually make him gradually transform for the better.

In this article, I will give you loads of proven tactics, tips and tricks.

Make no mistake, it won’t be easy. But you should give it a shot.

First part is about how to deal with challenging situations. Second part is about ways to take care of yourself in the process, which is very important!

In this situation you are in, time is precious, so let’s start right away.

How to deal with him

1 Talk to him. Since you are together, you should be able to talk openly and honestly about issues that arise. Remember to keep a level head when you talk to him. Be sure to strike a convincing tone, and explain to him in a non-confrontational way that you are unhappy with the direction your relationship is headed. Avoid accusatory tones and words; narcissists don’t deal well with criticism.

• Tell him how his selfishness makes you feel. Try saying something like, “I need to talk to you about your selfish behavior. It hurts me because…” If you are afraid he is cheating or spending too much time with other women, say, “You mean so much to me; I hear you talking to her and I’m scared I’m not enough for you.” If he says hurtful things, tell him, “Your opinion means the world to me; when I hear you talk to me that way I feel so small and worthless in your eyes.” Try not to yell angrily at your spouse. Openly discussing your hurt and fears is a more effective communication technique.
• Think about his reactions and moods on a scale from 1-10. If he is angry or upset at a level of 3 or higher, wait before suggesting therapy. Mentioning it when his emotions are high will be counterproductive.

2 Ask questions to understand where he’s coming from. Asking questions is a technique that will flatter him because it focuses the conversation on him.

• Paraphrase what he tells you to show that you are listening when he talks. This also helps keep him in the center, which may help you move to your concerns later.
• Mirror what he says. If he says, “I feel that no one appreciates what I do,” respond with, “I know exactly how that feels. That must be very difficult and hurtful.”

3 Use the term we instead of you. When pointing out his faults or suggesting a counselor, use “we” instead of “you.” This gives the illusion of a shared responsibility and blame instead of making it seem like all his fault, which may cause a negative reaction in a narcissist.

• Instead of saying, “You hurt me by being selfish,” say, “We hurt each other because we sometimes think more about ourselves than each other.”

4 Frame everything so it’s about his benefit. Narcissists rarely care about anyone else’s needs. To get something you want, make it seem like it’s about him.

• If you want to go to a friend’s house for dinner, don’t say, “I want to go eat dinner with Bob and Julie.” Instead, say, “They really love you; they’d love to have you at dinner.”
• Convince him that doing things for you reflects well on him. Say something like, “By helping me clean the garage, you show everyone how good you are at taking care of me.”

5 Approach counseling carefully. Many narcissists are violently against the idea of therapy, so you have to think carefully about your wording when suggesting it. Making it seem like a shared problem, that there are things you both can work through, may encourage him to agree to seek counseling with you. Take responsibility for your actions instead of pushing it all on him.

• For example, say, “I’d like to see a therapist to figure out how we can communicate better and enjoy each other’s company more. I want to work on ways for us to work better in our relationship so we can both get what we need.” This keeps the tone non-accusatory.
• Commit together to attending multiple sessions. This is important because one session will probably not be enough. Instead, shoot for 3-4. Your counselor can help you decide this.

6 Consult a relative or a trusted friend. Consulting a relative or a friend could help you deal with him. They also might be able to tell you how long this problem has been occurring. Has he been like this since he was an adolescent? Or is it a recent development?

• Talk to family members or with him about his past. Are there things in his past you two can work through that might help alleviate this problem?
• Ask the friends and relatives what they have done in the past to deal with him. They might have more experience than you.

7 Try to find the root of the problem. Men have insecurities too, and sometimes they may make up for it sometimes in disagreeable ways. If the narcissistic tendencies are recent, try to find out what happened that made him start acting like this. Step into his shoes to figure out why he’s hurting.

• For example, if he’s injured, or you’ve just gotten a recent job, he might feel like he isn’t adequate enough. Thus, he may be trying to direct attention to himself.
• If he says, “My life isn’t where I hoped it would be,” respond with something like, “Maybe not, but we have a lot of good things. We can work on the things you aren’t happy with.” Then, point out the good things in your life and relationship, then help him make a list of things you can work on together to change.
• If he has been hurt or injured, tell him, “Honey, I know you are not quite at 100% right now, but that doesn’t make you less of a person/man,” or “My new job doesn’t affect the way I view you. You provide more than just a paycheck to this relationship.”

8 Find out if he is willing to change. If he is willing to change, there might be a way for you two to work through the problems. If he is not willing to change, there may not be any hope to make the relationship better.

• Talk to him about his behavior and see how he reacts. You can start with being honest, by saying, “I feel that I am being taken for granted and this relationship is more about you than me.” However, this might not work for serious narcissists. Instead, start the conversation with flattery and make everything about him. Say, “You are such a great provider and strong presence in this relationship,” and then go into your concerns carefully.

9 Give him little rewards. Sometimes, trying to get a narcissist to do things takes a bit of work on your part. Try a reward compromise to encourage him to help you. This helps you change his expectations from him getting everything he wants to him getting what he wants while you get what you want too.

• If you want him to mow the lawn, tell him you will do something for him after he mows the lawn. For example, “If you mow the lawn for me this weekend, I will cook chicken wings and a cake for your poker game next Tuesday.” Make sure the reward is after the task. That way he starts to understand he needs to help you before getting rewarded.

10 Give him attention. He is your partner and deserves to feel loved. Giving him attention does not mean feeding his ego. Spend time with him, tell him you love him, decide on activities to do after work or on weekends together. Text each other through the day. This kind of attention should please a narcissist because you are paying attention to him.

• Spend half an hour or forty five minutes together each night talking about your days. To make sure he listens to you, say, “We each can spend half an hour talking about our days,” or suggest switching back and forth between stories.
• When choosing activities on the weekend, frame things where he is the center of attention. If you want to go to the movies, say, “I know you want to see that new movie, why don’t we go see it?” If you’d like to go on a hike, say, “You look like you could use some stress relief; let’s go for a hike.”

11 Be patient. Remember that large-scale behavior changes always take time. Don’t expect an immediate change. Continue to be gentle, compassionate, understanding, and loving.

• Set an example of humility to counter his narcissism. Don’t be sarcastic or show false humility.
• Be honest as you assess his progress. Is he making an honest effort to change? Is he still treating you badly? Is the relationship worth continuing to give so much of yourself to?

Take care of yourself

1 Establish a strong presence in the relationship. Make a place for yourself in the relationship. Take some control over things, whether it is money, the house, sex, or something else. Narcissistic people often think they are the most important person in the relationship; make sure that he knows you are as important to the relationship as he is.

• Have humor in some of the situations. If he thinks he’s perfect, use humor to dispel that notion. Help him see he’s not perfect, the best, or the center of the universe. Let him know instead that he’s important and that you love him, but other people are important, too.

2 Remember that you are worthy. Most narcissistic people feel entitled to superior treatment; he might think, “I deserve special treatment because I make the money and pay the bills.” Nothing gives him the right to treat you or anyone else with disrespect.

• Be aware that by confronting him a host of other problems may surface. Set a few ground rules and stick to them. Always set a time-out signal; you both may need time to calm down before continuing a discussion. If this doesn’t help then go for counseling before it gets worse.

3 Take back your confidence. Narcissistic relationships can negatively impact your confidence. Start building it back. Use that confidence to handle the situations he throws you, use it to stay strong when he lies, and use it to stay calm when he may not respond well to your attempts to talk.

• Find hobbies. Part of gaining confidence in yourself is making yourself feel important and significant. Learn to sew, take a dance class, start running, or start writing. Do something that makes you happy.

4 Learn to walk away. When he loses his temper because something doesn’t go his way, remember this is just a way to control you. Walk away, leave the room, leave the house, or roll your eyes. This lessens his power over you, which empowers you instead.

5 Create a support system. You will need a support system since he is not giving it to you. This system can consist of friends, family, or mental health professionals. They can help you stay confident, strong, and feeling worthwhile.

6 Consider leaving the relationship. If the relationship has gotten to the point where it is abusive, more than you can handle, or detrimental to your emotional and mental health, it might be time to separate or get a divorce.

• Be assertive if you want to break up. When talking to legal counsel, refrain from getting emotional. More than likely, the narcissist will be emotional, so you want to present a collected persona. Present the facts as you explain his behavior without being angry or holding back. Be honest and factual.
• Present patterns of behavior. Be careful calling him a narcissist because the legal counsel may not know what that means. Instead, show the lawyers his narcissistic behavior.

As I told you at the beginning of this article, this journey of handling a narcissist isn’t easy. It might take longer than what you think.

Thinking about wasting days, weeks and months feeling this pain isn’t very entertaining.

If you want to make this process as smooth and fast as possible, there is a proven companion for this journey. It is a guide that has already helped thousands of women and it will help you too.

It is my “Naked Narcissist” ebook and, as my newsletter subscriber, you can have it with a time-limited special discount.

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